The Boatt Chronicles
by Jo. R
Summary: Compilation of a series of crack!fics featuring Boatt, Gibbs' boat on NCIS. Definite crack!fic, mostly with a Gibbs/Abby/Boatt pairing.
1. Chapter 1

The first of what shall now be known as 'The Boatt Chronicles' - misspelling intended as, well, that's his name. 'Kelly' is a little too feminine for this guy :)

Title: Silent Witness  
Rating: FR-13  
Spoilers: Any episode where Gibbs' boat has been seen, up to the season 5 final.  
Warnings: Crack!fic, kind of threesome  
Pairing: Gibbs/Boat/Abby

It heard many people ask how Gibbs was going to move It out of his basement and hoped he never gave them an answer. It didn't want to go anywhere; the basement was warm and cosy and he was usually always there.

It heard the others talk about other its, previous its, ones that had been destroyed and told Itself that he would never do that to *It*. It was special; It was loved.

Many people visited him when he was in the basement and, at first, that had annoyed It. It didn't like Gibbs being distracted from his work - sanding rough edges into silky smooth surfaces, showering It with love and devotion and gentle touches of a brush here and there.

Once, there was a blond woman who smoked. It didn't like that; the smell of smoke near by made It nervous, made It remember the stories of what had happened to the others. It was happy when she went away - happier still when she didn't come back. Gibbs slept in the basement on It that night, more comforting that any of those blankets the humans liked so much.

They'd all come to see it at certain points; all of Gibbs' people. It had met them all, knew them all by touch.

There was Tony, who Gibbs pretended to be annoyed with but who he liked, really. It did, too, though It begrudged Tony's visits only because it usually meant he'd come to take Gibbs away - something about a case or something, though why Gibbs would want to work on a case instead of it, It didn't know.

Then there was Ziva, who'd hidden in the basement and kept It company when Gibbs had gone away. Those were horrible times, dark days. It had worried Gibbs had abandoned It and wouldn't come back but Ziva's fingers had trailed along Its side reassuringly and she'd called him, making Gibbs come back. It liked Ziva, though she didn't visit often.

McGee had only visited It once. He'd been sad and Gibbs had given him a drink and what the humans called a 'pep-talk'. Apparently McGee had killed someone. It didn't know what that meant but It felt sorry for McGee, anyway.

Ducky visited occassionally, though he didn't usually help Gibbs work on It. He'd talk in the strange, reassuring accent of his and It would be soothed despite not really being able to understand. Ducky had different hands to the others, a different kind of touch. He was gentle with It, like he thought It was fragile.

The one Gibbs called Jen had visited before, too. She'd asked how Gibbs planned on getting It out of his basement; Gibbs hadn't replied. She had nice hands, too. A soft, almost delicate touch. Smooth skin. It liked her, but she hadn't been to visit again.

There'd been a woman who'd spent a lot of time with It and Gibbs for a while. Hollis? It didn't really remember. She'd been nice and had been careful with It, but she hadn't wanted to spend all her time in the basement with It. She'd kissed Gibbs and It had been jealous; she'd led him out of the basement, away from It, and It had been lonely for a while.

The last one It remembered was Abby. She was nice. She'd hurt It once, after spending time alone with It in the dark. It had been upset; It thought they were friends and then she went and did *that* and It had suffered for a while. She'd made it up to It, though. She insisted on spending time making it up to Gibbs, and It, spending evening after evening caressing Its sides, nimble fingers long and gentle, soothing.

She knew exactly where and how It liked to be touched, listened to Gibbs when he explained what It needed doing and did it without question. When It had an itch, she stroked harder. When It was feeling tender from all the sanding, she moved more gently.

If It could've figured out how to talk to Gibbs, It would have demanded they keep Abby with them for all times. It liked Abby. It really, really liked Abby.

One night something changed. It heard loud voices It recognised as being Gibbs and Abby. It heard a door slam and winced in sympathy with the doorframe.

Feet stomped on the stairs down to where It waited and It worried a little; Gibbs and Abby didn't fight often and when they did, it usually meant Abby wouldn't visit for a while and It would miss her.

Abby followed Gibbs down the stairs and It could do nothing but witness the two people It had come to love arguing about something It couldn't understand. Something about the others being gone? About it just being the two of them?

'And me!' It wanted to scream. 'Don't forget me!'

"You've got to do something, Gibbs. You can't just sit back and do nothing!"

It heard Gibbs growl and shuddered a little when Abby's body was suddenly pressed against It. Gibbs held her there and It enjoyed her warmth even as It worried that something was wrong.

"I'm not doing nothing, Abby. I'm not giving up and neither should you."

It felt her sadness, felt her pain and It felt sorry for her.

"I just miss them, Gibbs. We've just lost Jenny and now we've lost them..." It heard her sigh. "I can't lose anyone else."

"You're not going to."

It felt happy at that; it meant It wasn't going anywhere.

There was almost complete silence for a few seconds; It listened intently to the heavy breathing of the pair. Abby was still pressed against It, though not as hard as she had been. It prepared Itself mentally for them to leave It now argument was over but It was surprised.

Gibbs kissed Abby; It heard her sigh and felt her shiver against It. It felt Gibbs hands against Its side, firm fingers digging in to Its smooth surface as Gibbs pressed closer to Abby, sandwiching her between him and It.

It felt one of Gibbs' hands move and heard Abby gasp; It shared the feeling though couldn't mimic the sound when she was lifted against It, warm body arched into It...

... It remembered that night well. That night was It's *best* night.

Abby spent more time with Gibbs and It, sometimes just with Gibbs but It didn't mind; they always came back to It eventually.

It loved the way her hands would trail over It, lingering touches...

It thought It was her favourite, but It wouldn't tell Gibbs even if It could.

It was good at keeping secrets.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: The Second Team  
Author: Jo. R  
Rating: PG  
Characters: You'll see!  
Pairings: Gibbs/Abby/Boatt - second 't' deliberate.  
Spoilers: Leap of Faith  
Summary: The second team at NCIS have a mission... Sequel to 'Silent Witness' but you don't have to read that one to get this one...

They were gathered in the Director's office, awaiting their orders. They cast wary glances at each other, at the leader of their team who was present only via the cell phone screen.

"Your mission is need to know," the Director's Tooth Pick said, standing up right on the desk, leaning against a half-empty glass of whisky. "Can I trust you?"

The team looked at one another, then to the cell phone to their boss expectedly.

"Stupid question, TP." Boatt, two T's - the second stood for 'trouble', answered gruffly from his place in Gibbs' basement. Although he couldn't actually leave the house, he was still the leader of the secondary team because of the knowledge and intel his unique position brought them. "What's the case?"

Tooth Pick - TP to the others - was in a position of power. He was privy to all of the information Director Vance was given on a day-to-day basis and used it to direct Boatt and his team. "There's a rumour going around that Sciuto's had another job offer. Word from Scuttlebutt is that she might be tempted to take it."

Scuttlebutt was the name of the water cooler on the third floor of the Navy Yard. If there was something going on at NCIS, Scuttlebutt knew about it.

"What?" Boatt sounded pissed; unsurprising since he was Abby Sciuto's biggest fan. Rumour had it he was in a relationship with her, too - had to share her with Gibbs, but then that was to be expected given he shared the house with the Special Agent. "Bert, Ted, you hear anything about this?"

Bert, the stuffed hippo Abby told everything to, responded with an affirmative fart. Ted, the bear Doctor Mallard had given Abby for her birthday who lived in her lab with Bert, cleared his fluff-filled throat.

"She's been getting flowers recently," Ted confirmed. "And she's been very clingy with Bert. We think she's upset about something."

"Typie, Cap, Bear. You hear anything?" Boatt demanded. TP looked at the other members of the team questioningly.

Typie spent most of his time in McGee's apartment. He was usually kept busy by McGee, being used to type manuscript and manuscript to be submitted to the agent's agent. He and Boatt had gone through some tough times recently; Typie had been in a relationship with Abby first and while McGee had gotten over his relationship with the forensic scientist, Typie still had feelings for her.

Cap had been on sick leave for a long time after being shot - he still held a grudge against Agent DiNozzo for being so careless but had forgiven him when DiNozzo brought him back to the Navy Yard after an extended absence. Sure, he spent most of his time at DiNozzo's desk but a desk job was better than retirement.

Bear was the newest member of the team - after TP, of course. She was from Israel and was the Mossad liaison for the second team. She was a source of envy for both Cap and Typie as she still - occasionally - got to sleep in the same bed as the beautiful Ziva David.

"Nothing, Boss." Cap responded. "DiNozzo's said nothing but given what happened last time he believed the rumours, I'm not surprised."

"Ziva has not said anything," Bear reported. "Though she has taken to sleeping with me again. I believe something must be bothering her also." She ignored the envious glances from Cap and Typie - and felt distinctly uncomfortable when she noticed their feelings were seemingly shared by TP.

"McGee knows nothing," Typie reported. "I think there's a new girl in his life but I've not met her yet."

Boatt filed the information away for later reference, his attention diverted momentarily. "Gibbs is back," he told the others. "If he knows anything, I'll find out. Keep your ears to the ground. If you hear anything, I wanna know about it."

The cell phone screen abruptly went black; Boatt, like Gibbs, wasn't one for long goodbyes. The team exchanged long-suffering glances and slowly made their way out of the office, shuffling across the floor as quickly as they could.

TP watched them go, a sigh escaping him; it was never easy for NCIS's Second team.

Boatt wasn't happy. He waited, impatiently, for the thuds he could hear upstairs to make their way closer to the basement door.

Gibbs wasn't happy; he could tell from the stomping.

Sure enough, the Special Agent made his way down the stairs - alone - open bottle of beer in one hand, another two bottles his other.

Beer was never a good sign, Boatt knew. Beer could be drank quickly, one after another. Bourbon was to be savoured, nursed, enjoyed. Bourbon was good, beer was bad.

Boatt stood still as the man downed the first bottle before turning to the tools on the workbench. It was all Boatt could do not to wince; if Gibbs wanted to get drunk, he should stay away from the tools. Alcohol and tools were usually an okay combination but not if excessive drinking was involved - Boatt still had the mental scars of what had happened when Abby had drank too much and accidentally hurt him.

Gibbs, predictably, said nothing as he got to work. Boatt bore it stoically, never reacting, not even when the sandpaper was dragged across his hull a little too aggressively. He understood Gibbs need for silence and found he almost welcomed the pain; it was a good distraction to the thought that Abby might really be leaving them.

Speaking of Abby, he heard the front door open. His hope for a peaceful night with the girl he loved and the man that held them together died when the door slammed shut behind her.

"Gibbs!" She sounded unhappy, Boatt realised. More than that, she sounded angry.

Soon enough, he heard her footsteps on the stairs, as loud as Gibbs had been. He waited until she came into his line of sight, shocked and dismayed by the look on her face; Abby had obviously been crying.

Not good.

"How could you, Gibbs?" Abby ranted, arms crossed over her chest as Gibbs kept working on Boatt. "How could you... After everything?"

Gibbs didn't turn to face her, though Boatt wished he would. If only he could see the tear tracks on her face, if only he saw how upset she was... "It's your choice, Abby. It's a good offer."

"So you think I should take it?" Hurt flashed across her face and Boatt ached for her. "You gave them a goddamn reference, said I was the best and they shouldn't take no for an answer..."

"It's a good offer," Gibbs repeated. "A lot more than what you're on at NCIS. You are the best, Abby. You deserve to be treated like it."

"What if I don't *want* to be treated like it?" She stalked across the room towards them, grabbing Gibbs' arm and pulling it away from Boatt, pulling him to face her. She moved forward and pinned his body between hers and Boatt's; it was usually the other way around but Boatt wasn't going to complain. He could still see her face, which was new and nice. "Damn it, Gibbs. We talked about this last time. I thought... I thought you knew I'd never leave you. That I don't *want* to leave you. Why are you making it so hard to stay?"

Boatt wished he could see Gibbs' face; whatever she'd seen on it made Abby's expression soften slightly.

"I don't want you to get hurt, Abby." Gibbs' voice was soft, almost too soft. "How many times have you been put in danger because you work at NCIS? This company is good, private. You wouldn't be working directly on any cases, just doing the science stuff you love..."

"But it wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't be doing something good and right. I wouldn't be working with *you*." Tears shimmered in her eyes and Boatt held his breath, watching as Gibbs reached out to wipe a stray drop from her cheek. "You can keep me safe, Gibbs. You always do. You promised you would." She leaned her cheek into his hand. "Please don't make me go."

"I'd never make you do anything you don't want, Abs..."

"Then know that I want to stay at NCIS. I want to stay with you." She moved forward, her slender body pressed against his.

Boatt watched her kiss Gibbs, her green eyes sliding shut as the Special Agent responded. He both saw and felt them lean heavily against his side and knew the danger had passed. As the two humans kissed, Boatt stifled a contented sigh.

He'd tell his team in the morning that the danger had passed; get his report to TP before close of play tomorrow.

It looked like he had plans for tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Retirement Blues  
Author: Jo. R  
Rating: FR-7  
Characters: Abby, Gibbs, Boatt  
Pairing: Mild Abby/Gibbs, Abby/Boatt/Gibbs, Boatt/Rosa  
Summary: Sun, Sea & Sand challenge. Crack!fic.

* * *

It was a beautiful day, clear and sunny with just an inkling of a summer breeze. Not a single cloud marred the perfect blue sky - not even the white fluffy ones he didn't mind so much. The sun was shining brightly and felt warm against his sides, the water cool and welcome as it lapped against him.

Boatt was happy, happier than he'd been in a long time.

Leaving the basement at Gibbs' house, his only home for so long, had been a traumatic experience for him - who'd known *that* was how the man got his creations out of their birth place? Boatt shuddered. Abby had whispered to him once that Gibbs was magic but he hadn't believed her. Now he knew.

His new home was nice enough but it'd taken him a while to adjust to being outside with others of his kind. The expensive yacht moored next to him – 'Sea Star' – was a very intimidating fellow and the beautifully hand-crafted boat, 'Rosa', always made him a little bit sail-tied. Not to mention the fact he found himself missing the near-constant company of his maker and lady-friend, of course, two humans he'd actually come to like quite a bit.

Abby was one of his favourite people now. She'd more than made up for the slight accident when she'd been under the influence of Gibbs' bourbon – hours had been spent sanding him down, stroking her hands over his sides in a gentle caress that still made him feel warm inside.

Boatt was sure it was her he had to thank for his current situation, too. He was sure that if it hadn't been for her intervention, his fate would have been one of two things – to be reduced to nothing but a pile of ashes like the others who'd come before him or sold on to someone who wouldn't take care of him quite in the way he'd become accustomed. He'd even put up with having a girl's name painted on his side - like a tattoo, he'd told himself. He'd heard enough about Kelly to know she was someone still close to Gibbs' heart and had become quite a fan of tattoos. He'd seen more than a couple of those Abby sported and had been given yet another opportunity to admire the ornate cross inked into Abby's smooth back up close and personally just recently during one of his last nights in the basement...

... Another thing he would miss, actually. The close relationship between himself and Abby. She wouldn't sneak down to see him in the dead of night anymore, dressed only in one of Gibbs' shirts that smelt of sawdust – of Boatt himself. She wouldn't talk to him, run her fingers along his sides in a gesture that was both comforting and tickled. She'd still be a regular visitor, of course – she was enjoying herself if the laughter he could hear escaping her was anything to go by – but it wouldn't be quite the same.

He would definitely miss it. His former home. The place of his conception.

The nights of bourbon and sawdust with Gibbs. The silence, always companionable and never strained. The static-punctuated bursts from the radio Abby had talked Gibbs into getting interspersed with random conversation about their day and the others he sometimes saw. Being kept in the loop, being used as a sounding board during those difficult cases...

Boatt wondered if he'd ever see them again - the others. Not just the other members of Gibbs' team, though he would miss them, too, but the other members of *his* team, too.

TP – Tooth Pick, the inside man as far as the NCIS Director was concerned - he could do without. He'd never liked his new boss, anyway, but the others he was pretty damn sure he would miss. Bert, he suspected he'd see whenever Gibbs chose to take Abby sailing - quite often if the conversation he could hear snatches off over the sound of waves crashing against his hull could be believed - but he couldn't imagine an occasion where Cap, Typie, Ted or Bear would need to come and see him.

Not unless Abby convinced Gibbs to let the whole of *their* team on an excursion with them but Boatt wasn't sure how he liked that idea even if he thought there was a chance it would happen.

Retirement had its negatives, Boatt realised. Not having an excuse to see his friends was one of them.

Cap, he thought, might occasionally visit. Abby was fond of Cap, too. He'd once belonged to her, a present from Tony DiNozzo, but something had happened – they'd never figured out what, just one of those mysteries destined never to be solved he guessed – and Cap had found his way back into DiNozzo's desk drawer. It was where he was happiest, Boatt knew. Cap had never dealt well with his injury in the line of duty and even a desk job was better than nothing for the NCIS cap.

Bear rarely left Ziva's apartment – not that he could blame her, personally. Bear was a homebody at heart, no matter how she tried to deny it. She'd done her fair share of travelling, too – first as a constant companion with Ziva when the Mossad-trained assassin had been just a little girl and then coming over to the US from Israel (and back and back again) when Ziva had gotten her assignments to NCIS.

Ted... He was a possibility. Ted lived in the lab with Bert most of the time but while Bert was clearly Abby's favourite, Ted didn't get out much. He liked it that way, too, being more science-minded. An influence of Ducky's since the Medical Examiner was the one who'd given Ted to Abby in the first place, Boatt was sure.

As for Typie... Boatt shook as a wave hit him. No, Typie wouldn't be coming to visit. He, like his owner, got seasick and that wasn't something either he or Boatt wanted to experience. No, they'd keep in touch through the others, Boatt guessed.

As if sensing his thoughts, Abby moved to stand at the railing, her nimble fingers running over the smooth, slightly rounded edges he remembered she'd helped Gibbs to varnish. She didn't say anything but kept up the stroking caress almost as if reassuring him that she was there and he wasn't alone.

Boatt felt himself being turned towards the shoreline and fought the urge to ignore Gibbs' commands. He didn't want to go back. Didn't want them to leave him alone again.

Still, he was loyal to a fault and after only a minor protest, allowed himself to be turned towards the awaiting harbour.

'Sea Star' was gone when they got back, much to Boatt's relief. 'Rosa' was still there, though, her lovingly varnished planks glinting in the dying light of the sun. He nudged her gently as he was directed to his place at the dock, his sails dipping apologetically.

Rosa didn't mind. She nudged him back, dancing lightly atop of the surface of the ocean.

"She's a pretty thing," he heard Abby murmur as Gibbs helped her get down from the boat. "Smaller than yours, of course."

"Of course." There was a note of amusement in Gibbs' voice and Boatt felt him pat his side almost reassuringly.

"She'll keep yours company," Abby continued, running her own hand over Boatt's side. "A nice little friend for him."

If Boatt could blush, he could.

"Mine's the 'Kelly', Abs. What makes you call it a 'he'?"

Her fingers trailed over him again and Boatt heard more than saw the smile in her voice. "He's too manly to be a girl. Too much like you."

Boatt vaguely heard Gibbs mutter a reply but he wasn't paying much attention to the departing couple anymore. Rosa dipped towards him, almost flirtatiously. A seagull he recognised from earlier landed on the wooden post he was moored to and tilted its head at him curiously.

From across the harbour, he could hear the voices carried on the breeze of other day-trippers leaving their boats for the day, the sound of laughter from the quayside cafe not too far away.

There was a fresh, salty smell and a feeling of freedom and tranquillity settled over him.

Maybe retirement wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

End.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Inanimate  
Author: Jo. R  
Rating: FR-7  
Pairing: Abby/Boatt (Gen)  
Spoilers: Hiatus pt 2.

Request!fic

* * *

Though she knew her frequent trips to Gibbs' house caused her friends concern, Abby Sciuto couldn't stop herself from heading there straight after work. It wasn't like they feared and she was growing more and more desperate for the man who owned it to return from Mexico - not that she didn't miss him, of course, because she did - but she didn't go to his place after work and sometimes at weekends to feel close to him.

She went because she couldn't stand the thought of letting the half-built boat in his basement alone.

Abby knew people thought her strange for treating inanimate objects like people. She knew they humoured her when she called her equipment her babies and that they thought her a little weird for treating Bert the stuffed hippo like a real pet but she'd learned a long time ago not to let it bother her.

She supposed it had started when she was younger, growing up in a house where she used her hands to speak to the other human occupants. She'd been told to practise speaking aloud at one of the Children of Deaf Parents camps she'd gone to and speaking to non-living things was the only way she'd had of doing it outside of school. She talked to her little brother, of course, helping him learn to speak where their parents couldn't, but she also talked to the toys she had in her bedroom.

And to the rocking horse her father had bought her when she was seven, and the ornaments of dancing ladies her mother collected.

Sometimes, she'd imagine they talked back to her. Most of the time she didn't. She thought that maybe they appreciated it, though, being treated like real live things rather than sitting ignored and unloved in shelves and in corners.

It was because of her regard for inanimate objects that the fairy that had gone on top of the Christmas Tree was allowed to stay in a glass cabinet throughout the year instead of joining the rest of the decorations in the attic. She'd cried hysterically one year when her parents had tried to put it away, tugging on their hands and clothes, hugging the traditional fairy to her chest as big, fat tears had rolled down her face. It wasn't fair, she'd said, that the fairy was only allowed out at Christmas. Surely she was lonely in the dark on her own for the rest of the year? Surely it was unfair to give her love and affection for just a few short weeks a year then put her somewhere she'd be forgotten about until December rolled around again?

That was how she felt now, Abby mused, dropping her backpack in the hallway as she kicked the front door of a house that didn't belong to her behind her.

That was how she felt about the boat.

Alone and unloved, confused at why it's owner - it's creator - had abandoned it, maybe wondering what it had done wrong, wondering why Gibbs didn't come back...

... She'd tried telling herself it was stupid but hadn't been able to settle in her bed at night knowing the unfinished boat sat alone in a cool, dark basement all day and all night. So she'd started her daily visits and wouldn't let anyone - not Tony, not Ziva, not McGee and even not Ducky - talk her out of it.

They might think her weird, and Gibbs, if he were ever to return, wouldn't appreciate it, but she was sure that if the boat were capable of feeling, it would be glad of her company if only for a little while.

* * *

He'd started looking forward to her visits, which was a surprise to Boatt at first.

The sight of Abby had worried him at first, especially when she picked up the chisel Gibbs had left on the work counter. He remembered another time, another visit. One where she'd drank a lot of alcohol and cried a lot and picked up that chisel and used it with the hammer, chipping a small sliver from his ribs.

He'd known she hadn't meant it but it had hurt at the time, and it had taken Gibbs a while to fix him in the end.

Now he was grateful for her visits, having been unsure of what was going on until she'd come that first night.

Whereas Gibbs had worked on him in silence - and he certainly had no objects to that - Abby spent her nights sitting beside him, running her fingers over him soothingly, talking to him, telling him about her day and the weather and anything else that came to mind.

It was through Abby that he learnt Gibbs had gone away to a place called Mexico. It was through her that he found out about Shannon and Kelly and he was pretty sure that if he had a heart, it would have broken right there and then.

The days were long and the nights even longer without Gibbs' nightly visits. Abby helped make him feel better about that.

At first, he'd worried that he'd messed up somehow. Maybe he wasn't as good as the boats that had come before him and Gibbs didn't want to waste time finishing him. Or maybe Gibbs had just got bored and moved on to something else, something more exciting than spending hours in the basement.

Spending time with Abby had allayed those fears and he found himself learning more about the former chisel-wielding woman than he'd thought he ever would. Liking her, too, though he did get nervous whenever she hovered too long next to the workbench.

She liked him, and he liked her, and he knew with her in his life, he'd never have to be alone again even if Gibbs chose not to come home.

* * *

End.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Riding out the waves  
Author: Boatt  
Rating: FR-13  
Pairings: Abby/Gibbs, Tony/Ziva, McGee/Muffins, Boatt/Abby/Gibbs  
Category: Most definitely a crack!fic  
Summary: Written for the first Gibbs/Abby Shipper Forum Creative Hiatus Drive prompt – 'ending'. Author's Note: I was reluctant to write something serious as I only got angsty thoughts and didn't like them very much. So I had a chat with Boatt, who decided he'd give it a go on the condition I ignore the fact that he's probably pretty much deceased in NCIS canon in no small part thanks to the actions of a certain lawyer and her evil employer... *pets Boatt*

* * *

The idea of taking everyone out on a day's sailing trip had been Abby's, a suggestion of how they could get back the feeling of being a real team again. Gibbs had agreed without hesitation and, as he could rarely deny Abby anything, the others weren't all that surprised.

What they were surprised about was the fact that Margaret Allison Hart got an invite though, as Abby pointed out, the lawyer was a temporary NCIS employee and had played a rather vital role in making it possible for their team to stay together.

It was just unfortunate that such good intentions had such an unfortunate outcome for the dark haired lawyer.

Why she did it, no one was really quite sure.

There were some who thought that she wanted to get away from one of Doctor Donald 'Ducky' Mallard's stories or that the duet Tim McGee and Jimmy Palmer had decided to sing after one too many margaritas drove her to the literal edge.

There were some who believed that she could have been genuinely scared when Tony and Ziva began sparring on the deck of boat and started fighting hand-to-hand and had jumped to keep from getting caught in the cross-fire.

And there were some who thought that the sight of Gibbs pulling Abby towards him in a demonstration that left no doubts in anyone's minds as to whether or not he saw her as a daughter that pushed her to it. (Though why that would be, Tony told anyone who'd listen later, because the sight of Gibbs and Abby making out without a care for their audience was undeniably hot.)

Either way, the dark haired lawyer ended up on the wrong side of the boats railings, floundering around in the cool water below as her NCIS colleagues stood and watched and shouted out what the mostly drunken agents and scientists thought was good advice.

Good advice that didn't help at all when the sharks showed up.

"Stay still!" Tony shouted, waving his arms a little too frantically as if trying to get her attention.

With a sigh and a roll of her eyes, Ziva reached out to grab him before he could topple over the railings and join the flailing lawyer. "If she stays still, she'll drown."

"If she moves, they'll know she's there," Tony argued with a frown on his face.

"They are not blind, Tony. That is a T-Rex," Ziva pointed out with a long-suffering sigh. "You are getting your movies mixed up."

Abby threw them a speculative glance, an eyebrow arched as she wondered how many movies the two had watched together.

"Swim towards the boat," Jimmy called out, grabbing a handful of items from the open picnic basket conveniently beside him. "We'll throw food to distract them!"

"Muffins?" Abby looked at the so-called autopsy gremlin with a sceptical look. She felt more than heard Gibbs chuckle as he wrapped his arms around her and drew her back against his chest, apparently entirely unconcerned for his former love interest as she was eyed up by hungry sharks. "Really?"

"Muffins are food!" Jimmy protested.

"I don't think the sharks would agree – and you wasted chocolate muffins! Triple chocolate muffins-" Alarm filled Abby's voice momentarily. "McGee! What are you doing...?"

"Going after the muffins...?" McGee stopped, shirt half-way up over his chest as he stared at her in confusion; he'd thought it was obvious what he was doing...

At a look from Abby, Gibbs untangled one arm from around her waist and patted the young agent on the shoulder reassuringly. "We'll get more when we get home, McGee."

"You sure, boss?" McGee looked at him questioningly. "I don't mind..."

"Not worth losing an agent over," Gibbs answered with a shrug. "It'd take too long to break another one in."

For a few moments, the small group stared down in contemplative silence at the lawyer who was doing her best to float without kicking her legs too much.

"You know, this reminds me of a story..." Ducky began, his eyes taking on a distant look.

"Sharks swimming around a lawyer remind you of a story?" Tony asked in disbelief.

"They don't have sharks in Britain," Jimmy pointed out.

"Sharks swimming 'round a lawyer..." Gibbs mused. "Reminds me of my second divorce, only they were on the same side..."

Turning in his arms, Abby kissed him softly. "There'll be no more divorces, Gibbs. Though I'm beginning to think that might actually be a fetish of yours..."

A wolfish grin curved his lips. "I've got fetishes, Abs, but divorce wouldn't be among them..."

Abby's eyes lit up and all thoughts of the drowning lawyer being circled by sharks in the waters below vanished completely from her mind. "Oh, please, do share..."

With another grin, Gibbs took her by the hand and led her to the decks below, a giggle floating on the breeze behind them as a door slammed shut.

The others waited a beat before turning away from the railings, moving to sit back down on the blankets they'd discarded earlier.

"Tell us the story, Doctor Mallard," Jimmy requested, wrapping his arms around his legs as he sat opposite the doctor.

Tony and Ziva sat down together, suspiciously close but glaring at anyone who dared even think it. McGee settled himself beside the picnic basket and the remaining muffins, glaring occasionally at Jimmy whenever he thought of their lost comrades; he'd had great success on the chocolate muffin diet and had come to think of the little chocolate sponges as his friends.

Ducky leaned back on the old wicker chair that someone had thoughtfully brought for him, the others gathered around him like children awaiting storytime and began to tell his tale.

"Well, it was back when I was just a wee lad, many years ago..."

* * *

In the waters below, Margaret Allison Hart's arms and legs were getting tired. She eyed the sharks around her, wondering why they were playing with her, toying with her, rather than moving in for the kill. One by one, the sharks gave her a look that could only be classed as contempt and swam away, deciding as a unit that to eat her would only give them bad digestion.

Danger averted, the lawyer looked back up to the boat, expecting to see looks of relief on the faces of those looking down at her.

Disappointed, surprised and more than a little afraid when she realised the boat had turned and was already sailing back to shore – without her.

"Hey! Hey, wait a minute! Wait for me!"

The boat continued on as if no one had heard, leaving the lawyer to swim after it as best as she could before slowly sinking beneath the surface, arms and legs too tired to move any more.

Her last thought was how strange it seemed that the boat had tipped itself just as she was leaning over the railing to throw up after seeing Gibbs kiss the lab rat the way she'd wanted him to kiss her. It was almost as if...

... Almost as if the boat had done it on purpose but that, she told herself as her mind went foggy, that was ridiculous...

* * *

Floating safely to shore carrying his human friends, Boatt couldn't wait to tell his fellow boats at the marina how he'd disposed of the threat to the Gibbs-Abby relationship and how no one, not even his maker, who was still preoccupied below deck with their favourite girl, suspected a thing...


End file.
